Portfolio

Assessment Portfolio: Exemplar Materials

This document features excerpts for Task 2 of the Advancing Your Academic Skills Assignment Brief.

The aim of this document is to allow you to read and understand what a written submission would look like for Task 2, the 1,000 word text you will write and submit. You will have an opportunity to see what a Task 2 submission would look like and how submissions would be graded.
By analysing example submissions, you will be able to understand the assignment task more clearly and be better equipped to plan, draft, write and submit a high quality assignment text.
For both Leadership & Technology and Social Sciences pathways, there are three different examples written for the assignment question in Task 2. The focus of these examples are on Task 2 because this task requires you to write a 1,000 word text.
Each example text is only an excerpt of what would be expected of the Task 2 submission. Each submission features two main reasons/arguments to answer the assignment question.

Task: Read through the example texts and then use the assessment criteria described for Task 2 below to award a grade.

As you read the paragraph:

· To what extent do the example texts meet the requirement of the assessment brief?

· How is the example written? Is an appropriate style used? Are academic references included? Are there any errors?

· Identify key words in the assessment criteria and think about the grade you would award this example.

· What feedback would you give to this student? Remember feedback includes areas of strength and areas for development.

Leadership & Technology Pathway

Assignment question

Technological advances improve business in many ways. However, cybercrime has also increased, impacting businesses in many negative ways. Do the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages of technology, such as cybercrime, in business?

Present your line of argument (whether you believe the advantages of technology outweigh the disadvantages of cybercrime). Describe and discuss the advantages of technology in your area of Leadership & Technology and the impact of cybercrime in your specialism within the social sciences. Provide clear reasons and evidence to support your line of argument.

You can choose from the following topics: business innovation, leadership and management, marketing, tourism, banking and retail.

Task 2: A revised and extended text developed from your plan and draft

For Task 2, you need to develop your plan and draft to produce a full extended text (multiple paragraphs) to present clear and effective arguments to resolve the issue. You will need to use evidence to support your claims. Evidence must include at least one source of numerical data from an appropriate source (e.g., data from government websites or other credible sources).

Your extended text must include:

A brief introduction.
At least two claims with credible evidence for both viewpoints of the argument.
At least two sources of numerical data and two sources of other credible data from appropriate sources to support your claims for both viewpoints of the argument.
A clear and appropriate close to the argument.
A reference list for all sources used in AU Harvard style.

Below are excerpts (two sample paragraphs) from three example written submissions for Task 2.

For the examples below, you will focus on points 2-4.

Example Text A

The first issue to consider if technology’s advantages outweigh cybercrime in the retail sector is cyber-attacks, such as mandate fraud. This type of fraud involves criminals acting as a supplier or business related to a company in order to divert payments from a real supplier to a different bank account (National Business Crime Centre, 2023). Over the last five years, cyber-attacks have remained high, with 39% of UK businesses reporting attacks in 2022 with the possibility that many other attacks were not recognised or reported (Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, 2022). With the vast majority of payments and interactions taking place in most businesses digitally, there is a very real threat and it is currently impacting a significant amount of businesses.

Despite these technology-related crimes for retailers, technology has enabled online sales. For example, there was a national increase from 3.4% of the market share in 2007 to 27.9% in 2020 (Office of National Statistics, 2021). This is a significant increase resulting in greater sales, profits and diversification for retail businesses. Online retailers have also made significant productivity gains as a result of online sales with Khalaf (2021) reporting that businesses had become more able to operate with fewer workers, which results in increased profits due to less expenditure on labour. Therefore, there have been significant benefits to businesses in terms of productivity and market share that may outweigh the problems of cybercrime.

Next, the impact on employment will be addressed. The transformation of the retail industry due to technology has resulted in 20% of UK customers doing the majority of their shopping online (McKinsey & Company, 2020). As a result, there has been a negative impact on brick and mortar shops. For example, from 2013 to 2018, there was a drop of 5,600 shops in the UK resulting in business failures and the significant loss of jobs (McKinsey & Company, 2020). The ‘death of the high street’ in the UK has been described in many news articles and commentary. Official figures from the Office of National Statistics (2020) produced evidence to highlight the problem: between 2015 and 2018, employment on high streets dropped in many regions with eight local authorities seeing drops of over 20%. This appears to be compelling evidence of the negative impact of technology in the form of online sales damaging traditional high street retail, which results in job losses and business closures.

However, the UK Government has acknowledged the issue and is addressing it by launching a long-term plan to regenerate the high street to support high street businesses “to spur growth, create jobs and ensure that our high streets, towns and cities continue to thrive for generations to come” (Ministry of Housing, Communities & Local Government, 2021, p. 8). With government action taking place now, there is a much greater chance that this potentially inevitable shift to tech-driven retail will be managed with as little damage on the high street as possible. Jobs will also have to adapt instead of being lost. McKinsey & Company (2020) stated that as technology shapes retail, there will also be new ways of working to give employees more freedom to work in ways that suit their lives. This statement indicates that there is great potential for retail workers to have better working conditions as they are trained and adapt to more contemporary working conditions.

Example Text B

There are many cyber-crimes that can affect the retail sector including denial-of-service attacks, spyware and ransomeware (Hill & Marion, 2016, p. 96-100). A ransomeware attack is when a criminal enters a company system and threatens to delete and sell important information. The criminal can also stop the company system from working. This can result in the company stopping or having to payout a large amount of money to access their system again. This has happened many times. According to Charged website (2022), in 2022 there was a 264% increase in ransomware attacks on ecommerce and online retail businesses.

However, technology in retail have made a lot of money. For example, Amazon in the year 2022 made £155 million pounds net profit (Statista.com, 2023). This profit shows that online businesses are thriving and generating money for businesses and employing workers.

Example Text C

Phishing is” is the process of sending emails to users in an attempt to steal their private information, which can then be used for other crimes” hill and Manion 2016. This can happen in shops when a worker opens the email and the criminal can then access the company database and steal important information such as customer banking and credit card details. This crime is happening a lot and it affects many businesses especially the retail businesses.

But, technology for retail has made many new businesses. For example, many small companies sell their products on Ebay and Amazon. Other shops sell products on Etsy and Shop platforms. This is a miraculous innovation and it really helps small retailers grow their businesses to become richer. Also, technology allows retailers to sell their products across the world. Even a small company can exist in a bedroom in England but sell goods to people living in a tent in Australia. For example, my friend has a small company selling candles and she has sold them to people near and far – even America and China.

Example Texts: Grade and Commentary

Example Text A

The first issue to consider if technology’s advantages outweigh cybercrime in the retail sector is cyber-attacks, such as mandate fraud. This type of fraud involves criminals acting as a supplier or business related to a company in order to divert payments from a real supplier to a different bank account (National Business Crime Centre 2023). Over the last five years, cyber-attacks have remained high, with 39% of UK businesses reporting attacks in 2022 with the possibility that many other attacks were not recognised or reported (Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, 2022). With the vast majority of payments and interactions taking place in most businesses digitally, there is a very real threat and it is currently impacting a significant amount of businesses.

Next, the impact on employment will be addressed. The transformation of the retail industry due to technology has resulted in 20% of UK customers doing the majority of their shopping online (McKinsey & Company, 2020). As a result, there has been a negative impact on brick and mortar shops. For example, from 2013 to 2018, there was a drop of 5,600 shops in the UK resulting in business failures and the significant loss of jobs (McKinsey & Company, 2020). The ‘death of the high street’ in the UK has been described in many news articles and commentary. Official figures from the Office of National Statistics (2020) produced evidence to highlight the problem: between 2015 and 2018, employment on high streets dropped in many regions with eight local authorities seeing drops of over 20%. This appears to compelling evidence of the negative impact of technology in the form of online sales damaging traditional high street retail, which results in job losses and business closures.

However, the UK Government has acknowledged the issue is addressing it by launching a long term plan to regenerate the high street to support high street businesses “to spur growth, create jobs and ensure that our high streets, towns and cities continue to thrive for generations to come” (Ministry of Housing, Communities & Local Government, 2021, p. 8). With government action taking place now, there is a much greater chance that this potentially inevitable shift to tech-driven retail will be managed with as little damage on the high street as possible. Jobs will also have to adapt instead of being lost. McKinsey & Company (2020) stated that as technology shapes retail, there will also be new ways of working to give employees more freedom to work in ways that suit their lives. This statement indicates that there is great potential for retail workers to have better working conditions as they are trained and adapt to more contemporary working conditions.

Grade: 78% (based on the assumption that the student submits an introduction, further paragraphs in the main body and a conclusion of the same quality as written in the sample).

Areas of strength:

The four paragraphs offer two claims for both the advantages and disadvantages of technology for a specific field: the retail sector.
Each reason is supported with credible evidence. The student has also used two of the compulsory sources as requested in the Assignment Brief. There is a good balance of evidence included numerical data from the Office of National Statistics (ONS) and another UK Government source. Other evidence is provided in the form of a direct quote from the UK Government and other facts from a trusted source.
The arguments are organised in individual paragraphs and each argument is relevant to the assignment question.
The text is written in appropriate academic English in an appropriate formal style with clear references and vocabulary related to the field of retail.

Areas for development:

Although a variety of evidence is used, the student could have sourced more facts from other trusted sources related to retail. Data from the ONS, UK Government and Mckinsey and Company are used twice each – the student could have sourced evidence from other sources directly related to the retail industry. The student could have used other compulsory sources requested in the Assignment Brief.
The first argument on cybercrime was limited. Although mandate fraud was detailed, a real-life example (evidence) would have strengthened the argument.

Example Text B

There are many cyber-crimes that can affect the retail sector including denial-of-service attacks, spyware and ransomeware (Hill & Marion, 2016, p. 96-100). A ransomeware attack is when a criminal enters a company system and threatens to delete, sell important information. The criminal can also stops the company system from working. This can result in the company stopping or having to pay out a large amount of money to access their system again. This has happened many times. According to Charged website (2022), in 2022 there was a 264% increase in ransomware attacks on ecommerce and online retail businesses.

However, technology in retail has made a lot of money. For example, Amazon in the year 2022 made £155 million pounds net profit (Statista.com, 2023). This profit shows that online businesses are thriving and generating money for businesses and employing workers.

Grade: 55%

Areas of strength:

The two paragraphs offer one claim for both the advantages and disadvantages of technology for a specific field: the retail sector.
Each reason is supported with one credible evidence. Numerical data and facts have been used as evidence to support reasons and arguments. The student has also used one of the compulsory sources as requested in the Assignment Brief.
The arguments are organised in individual paragraphs and each argument is relevant to the assignment question.
The text is in general written in appropriate academic English in an appropriate formal style with clear references and vocabulary related to the field of retail.

Areas for development:

Although a variety of evidence is used, the student could have sourced more facts from other trusted sources related to the reason/argument being made.
The text is in general written in an appropriate formal style but vocabulary related to the field of retail is limited (e.g., ‘net profit’ is appropriate). Often, general and possibly informal language is used e.g., ‘made a lot of money’, ‘stop the company system from working’
Claims are made without evidence e.g., ‘This has happened many times’ is stated but without evidence to support this argument/reason.
Clarity is missing in some sentences – some meanings are not clear e.g., ‘technology in retail has made a lot of money’ – this could mean ‘technology has supported the generation of business profits’ or ‘technology has helped to generate business through online sales and digital transactions’.
Some minor grammar issues e.g., ‘stops the company system’ should be ‘stop the company system’.
In-text citations are not all written accurately. ‘Charged website (2023)’ and ‘(Statista.com, 2023)’ need to be rewritten in the appropriate academic style.

Example Text C

Phishing is” is the process of sending emails to users in an attempt to steal their private information, which can then be used for other crimes” hill and Manion 2016. This can happen in shops when a worker open the email and the bad guy can then access the company database and steal important information such as customer banking and credit card details this crime is happening a lot and it affects many businesses especially the retail businesses.

Grade: 42%

Areas of strength:

The student has also used one of the compulsory sources as requested in the Assignment Brief.
Both sides of the argument are given: the advantages and disadvantages of technology.
In general, the English used is clear and understandable.
Examples are given to support the reasons for both sides of the argument.

Areas for development:

The excerpt does not explicitly state the chosen sector although it is implicitly given: the retail sector. The sector should be stated clearly.
Only one type of evidence is used. Although the evidence is one of the compulsory sources as requested in the Assignment Brief, it does not support a reason and is only used to define a specific crime. Therefore, there are no examples of evidence used to support reasons and arguments. Numerical data and facts have not been used as evidence to support reasons and arguments.
Claims are made without evidence e.g., ‘this crime is happening a lot and it affects many businesses especially the retail businesses’ is stated but without evidence to support this argument/reason. In the second paragraph, claims are made without any evidence used, severely affecting the impact of the entire paragraph.
An example of evidence is an anecdote of a friend’s business. This is informal and inappropriate.
The text is mostly written in an informal style without vocabulary related to the field of retail (e.g., ‘happening a lot’, ‘miraculous innovation’).
Clarity is missing in some sentences – some meanings are not clear e.g., ‘technology in retail has made a lot of money’ – this could mean ‘technology has supported the generation of business profits’ or ‘technology has helped to generate business through online sales and digital transactions’.
Some minor grammar issues e.g., ‘worker open the email’ should be ‘worker opens the email’, a missing full stop and capital letter for the start of a sentence e.g., ‘…credit card details this crime…’ should be ‘…credit card details. This crime…’.
The only in-text citation is not all written accurately. ‘hill and Manion 2016’ needs to be rewritten in the appropriate academic style.

Extension & Guidance Task

For each of the example texts:

What other reasons/arguments could you add to improve the argument text?
What other evidence would you include for the current reasons/arguments?
How could you edit Example text B or C to improve it?

Extension & Guidance Task

For each of the example texts:

What other reasons/arguments could you add to improve the argument text?
What other evidence would you include for the current reasons/arguments?
How could you edit Example text B or C to improve it?